Time and Again An 'X/1999' vignette Sephy Timeline note: Volume 9 (Requiem) of the X/1999 manga. Kamui was beautiful. It was an odd thing to think, almost sacrilegious seeming in this place, the savior of mankind laid out on his bed, pliant and carefully arranged against a mountain of pillows, almost seeming to sit up of his own violation. But it was a lie, an illusion just like the rich blond tresses flowing over his arms that appeared so very vibrant, glinting under the dim lighting. It was only the pallor of the girl's face that told a different tale, indicating something was amiss. At this angle, with the boy's arm so, Subaru was almost convinced she was sleeping, her head against Kamui's lap, thick golden lashes fine against her cheeks, body hidden in the nest of covers beside them. But the girl wasn't sleeping; no movement save the steady rise and fall of Kamui's chest stirred her, no color remained in her cheeks, and as Subaru drew closer he could see the sheer stump, the wires that had bound her having cut cleanly through the elegant curve of her throat. There was something macabre and arresting in this scene, Kamui's knees raised, fingers buried and absently petting through her long sun-drop hair, his dark head bent over her -- almost protectively, face blank as his body carried out those mechanical motions. Subaru stopped just short of the bed, his eyes sweeping over Kamui as he lingered, over skin like fine rice paper and eyes the color of a winter's midnight, stark and startling, even now, dulled with tears. He was small, almost delicate and lost in a sea of bandages and the robe that had been pulled over him to keep away the cold, so loose and open that it was clearly an afterthought. In light of the careful preparation of the room and the bed, of the positioning of Kamui's body, it seemed off somehow, as if whoever had done thought him already dead, the robe more a concession to those left behind than to the one wearing it. Subaru hesitated, fingers lifting, almost afraid to touch, to disturb this scene, as if he had come to a tomb or holy relic, meant only to be seen but never moved, living hands irreligious against this cold perfection. But Kamui was not dead, not yet and Subaru…Subaru could not let things be. The Sumeragi reached, careful as he lifted Kamui's arm, closing lightly around the other's wrist, bandages rough as they crisscrossed the length of his hand and forearm, light red splatters dark and livid where it had seeped through tape and gauze. The warmth surprised him, was at odds with the barren emptiness of Kamui's gaze and limpness of the fingers now brushing his palm, the nails glassy. He'd stopped stroking the girl's head, sitting quietly, almost obediently as Subaru ran his thumb across the bumps of bandaged knuckles, registering the others drawing nearer but paying them little heed, too enrapt on the pathetic figure before him, more doll than human, as if the soul had been taken along with Kamui's mind and Subaru was aware of just how dangerously deceptive that was. If Kamui had died, if his soul had departed, then he wouldn't be suffering as he clearly was, tormented tears dripping slowly from the corners of his eyes. If Kamui had died, then they could lay him to rest and perhaps all this would already be decided. No, Kamui was not dead, only lost, only buried or burying himself alive, retreating so far within that it would take a miracle to reach him again. Once Subaru would have believed in miracles. Now all he could offer the boy was a chance. "I have to go …inside," Subaru spoke at last, staring hard into Kamui's face, studying him, aware that whatever chance mankind had at survival rested on this one's thin shoulders and the Sumeragi wondered at a fate that would be so unkind to deprive him of everything and still expect him to play his ordained role. It seemed too much to ask of anyone, let alone a sixteen year old boy who had lost his entire world in fell swoop. "You mean … Inside Kamui's mind?!" "But entering a deteriorated consciousness…it's too dangerous!" He looked at them then, at the other Seals so recently met, understanding their reluctance but undeterred by any of his own. Subaru had only been witness to the slaughter of the girl whose head Kamui so lovingly cleaved to, had seen the boy at his most broken without foreknowledge or prior meeting and still he could not condemn the other to that. If nothing else, he had to try, feeling the pull of something greater than himself, a pain akin to his own calling to him. He could not save Hokuto but he could do something for Kamui. Subaru had to try. "The secret art of the Sumeragi family," he replied vaguely, willing them to understand as he turned his attention back to the prone figure, ignoring Saiki's outburst and closing his fingers around Kamui's, lifting his free hand. The chant was low, signaled only by the movement of his other hand, the air simmering as his power gathered, invisible fires licking outward as Subaru placed it against Kamui's forehead. He had done this many times before but never had it seemed so urgent as it did at this moment, acknowledging that even if Kamui had been no one to him, just a simple bystander, someone who would have no effect in the ripples of fate and time, he would still do this. He would still have to try because as powerful and encompassing as destiny was, it meant nothing against the weight of one human soul. Maybe that was why he tried so hard with Seishirou, hoping against hope to touch something, to find something of that humanity still buried and reminded as always that it was burned away, that there was nothing that moved Seishirou so much as the symphony of destruction. For too long now, Subaru had done nothing but dog his steps, shadowing and trying to undo the harm to those lives his twin star had touched. When Hokuto had died and Seishirou had… Subaru had lost something of himself and for so long he had tried to get it back, to make the world in his own selfish wishes, disregarding the desires of all those who knew and love him. In hunting Seishirou, he had become him, or was becoming him, cutting himself off from his fellow man, helping yes, but never allowing himself to care, to truly see those people he sought to protect. Perhaps…perhaps it was time to do something else. There would be time enough later to run Seishirou to ground, to settle what lay between them but here and now he had the chance to do good, to help someone. Here and now, he was alive, feeling as he had not in so very long, true empathy for another's suffering. Maybe it would all come to wreck and ruin. Maybe they would lose or Kamui would shatter as the other dragons feared the moment Subaru touched his mind and the scales would remain forever unbalanced but it was a chance he was willing to take, a chance Subaru had to take, gambling as he rested his forehead against Kamui's, that like he had been, the boy was strong enough to bear up, to fight to make his dreams a reality. It was more faith than he'd had in quite a while -- in anything at all and it was more frightening and exhilarating than he could have ever hoped. 'Kamui…I'm coming.' ***End [ back ]
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